6 Things You Shouldn’t Order at A Cafe

Here’s a quick list of things you should NOT order at a cafe, unless you want your barista to roll their eyes at you, and possibly talk about you in the break room.

  1. Half-Caf Espresso

When you order something half-caf you’re asking the barista to use grounds from two different grinders, mix them together in the portafilter and then attempt to extract a good coffee out of that. Firstly, a lot of cafes don’t have a dedicated grinder for decaf, it will probably come out of a tupperware box that has been hiding under the counter for months. Stale and flavourless. Secondly, the different grind sizes mean that the smaller particles will extract faster, causing bitter notes in the drink. And the larger particles will under extract, giving an acidic taste to the drink…. All up it’s just a bad idea.

  1. For here, but in a takeaway cup

It’s 2017 people. If you’re sitting in a cafe, use the damn ceramic cup. Not only does a tree die for that cup, your drink will actually taste better when not served in paper and plastic.

  1. Medium coffee, in a large cup

Now you’re just being greedy and asking for a little bit more coffee than you payed for. What do you need that extra room for anyway? Is a tiny team of snow dogs pulling a sled across the foam? Didn’t think so.

  1. Espresso over ice, with a DASH of milk

What you’re ordering is an iced latte. Just order the iced latte.

  1. No foam latte

This ain’t the 90’s. Milk is literally inseparable from the foam. You may as well heat up the milk in the microwave, and no good, honest barista would ever consider doing that.

  1. Espresso to go

You’ll be finished sipping that drink before you reach the door, and the paper cup goes straight to the bin. Just take the 5 seconds to sit and actually enjoy your drink.

Well, we’re glad we got that out of our systems.


  • Ryadan Jeavons

    Totally agree @alison, I think people think if the coffee takes too long to make, they might have to take it with them. Really, they should just bring their own takeaway cup and ask for their coffee in that. A lot of places are even giving discounts for people who bring their own.

  • Ryadan Jeavons

    @teiwaz It may be more accurate to ask for an Iced Macchiato as often shops will serve you a full cup of milk.

  • Alison

    I didn’t even know most of those requests existed (medium coffee in a large cup? Are they going to pour extra water in it? Maybe it’s to make room for a shot of rum?) #2 is my eye-roller, and that’s just as a customer in the line. Again I think it comes down to people thinking they’ll get more in a small takeaway cup than a small dine-in cup.

  • teiwaz.tyr

    Thankyou! I am the fool who tries to explain how I just want coffee and ice and a dash of milk, not I know what it is officially called =)

  • Stephen

    Agreed. Just be keep it simple.

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