The Different Types Of Coffee Drinkers

Of course, the majority of coffee drinkers have a cappuccino or latte every morning as their routine, but there are a few outliers who I’ve come across over the years and I thought you might like to hear a bit about them.

 

SOMETIMES DRINKERS

My Mother is one of these types of drinkers. They are the people who (I have no idea how) can go an entire week on just one coffee. They drink loads of tea but only one coffee. They enjoy the taste, and they love a good coffee when they do eventually have one, but they don’t need to have one to survive like the rest of us mortals.

 

REGULAR COFFEE (WITH ONLY 1 BUCKET OF SUGAR)

I love these guys! It’s like they got stuck as a kid-wanting-to-be-an-adult but not wanting to have to get used to the taste coffee. What do you do? Add sugar. And then add some more sugar until the taste of sugar kills the taste of everything else. There’s no point in getting just a meager whiff of sugar, you might as well go all the way. I have served someone who asked for 12 sugars – YES TWELVE!! – you can imagine how many times I repeated the order back. Eventually I got the customer to reduce the coffee down to six sugars, but I guess they just really liked the crunchy coffee-flavoured sugar at the bottom of the cup.
flat lay coffee on a table with sugar lumps in a bowl next to it.Black and white Photographs on the table spread out.

One lump or two? How about TWELVE

 

DECAFFEINATED PEOPLE

You would think these guys would be hard to convert since they are used to only drinking the left over dregs of some bad cafe. These were usually easier than you think. They wanted to drink coffee but they didn’t like the effect. So when I gave them real decaf, properly made from fresh and high quality decaf coffee beans, they were regulars.

 

I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I WANT WHAT I WANT

No regular latte’s here. These people want a 22 second extraction with 1.5 shots in 8 oz of hot water with a dash of cold water added. Unfortunately, I now preside in this category myself but hey, if the shoe fits…

 

IMPATIENT COFFEE DRINKER

Is my coffee ready yet? I’ve been waiting for AGES (ie: 2 minutes). My response: Thankfully you know I’m not making you an instant coffee then.

 

HEMP/SPELT/QUINOA/WALNUT MILK DRINKERS

Thanks for finding yet more exciting ways to ruin the great taste of coffee.
Mason Jar of hemp milk with a bowl of seeds nicely spilling out next to it. A roll of Jute string in the background and some wrapped around the top of the jar

Just because you can milk hemp seeds, doesn’t mean you should.

 

THE MCDONALD’S HIPSTER COFFEE AFICIONADO

Just because they call it “The Corner”, have muted their garish mustard yellow and serve you espresso with Quinoa salads and pulled pork sandwiches does not mean they aren’t still a Mcdonalds. And it certainly does not mean they make better coffee suddenly. You can keep trying to justify it all you like. But just because Ronald now sports a red beard, nose piercings, hoop earrings, has a tattoo sleeve and argues that his coffee is better than Starbucks, he is still a creepy, borderline-paedo clown that serves sub-par “specialty”(by name only- not quality) coffee. What’s next?
man wearing red cap and wooly coat on a cold winter day and has a maccas coffee or thickshake cup tucked into his breast pocket

Secretly, that’s a Doppio Ristretto tucked into his shirt.

THE SCIENTIFIC COFFEE LOVER

Yes Coffee is part science. However, if you focus too much on weighing in 18.1g of coffee grinds at 300μ and water temperature set to 93.5C 4 second preinfusion with a ramp up to 6.7bar of pressure over 22 seconds and weighing the output to 36.2g with a 25% TDS yield then you’ve probably already lost sight of the magic of coffee ART. (If you don’t understand any of this language, you are probably safe!).

Then, in my opinion (again, it’s only my opinion) you have completely missed what coffee is all about. If I wanted to have a robot make my coffee I would have bought a Eversys e’Barista System super-automatic espresso machine. or go to McDonalds.

You have forgotten that exquisite coffee is a balance of art and chemistry. Because, a coffee without the flair that a creative barista contributes is tantamount to a 1990’s ringtone of Debussy’s Clair de Lune or pixel art of the Sistine Chapel.

Hey, I’m not a technophobe, I love gadgets and I’m a geek at heart. But there is a line, and when people cross it it makes my heart die a little.

 

Ryadan Jeavons

by Ryadan Jeavons

Ryd is a passionate coffee educator who started his career in 2000 as a barista. Having seen the coffee industry develop over the years and how much there is to learn about coffee still, his personal mission has become a role as the conduit between the industry and the consumer. He is passionate about educating the public on all the wonderful things we are learning about this golden liquid drink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You might also like...

Panama Geisha

The Ultimate Experience

If you enjoy your coffee black.
And you enjoy it brewed as a filter or plunger
Then, this unique coffee will take you to another world

Show now

*This is not for espresso coffees and not for with milk.
No products in cart